Can you forgive yourself?
“Your best teacher is your last mistake” Ralph Nader
Have you ever made a mistake? Have you ever unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings? Have you ever said something that may have been taken in a way you did not intend it to be meant? Did your actions hurt someone? Do you lose sleep because of it? Do you mope around, dwell on it or take it out on others? Do you let the pain of the incident ruin your day, week, or even your life? Do you beg for forgiveness? What if your apology is not accepted? How do you get past it?
Unfortunately, mistakes are a part of life and we’ve all been there. We try to be the best person we can be but in the end, no one is perfect and no one will ever be perfect. Personally, when this happens to me, I really take it to heart. I know I’m a good person and I would never offend or hurt someone intentionally, but it happens. When it does, I’ll admit, it bothers me and weighs on me for a while. But I’ve learned there are ways to make it less painful and ways to get past the mistake a little quicker without dwelling on it. Hopefully these tips will help you as well.
1. Admit your mistake
You know you screwed up so what’s the point in denying it? Owning up to your mistake allows you the opportunity to ask for forgiveness, to give your heartfelt apology. When you admit you messed up, you can take the steps to fix it.
2. Recognize that you are a good person
You know that you are a good person and that you would never hurt anyone intentionally, but things happen. Remind yourself of your positives. What have you done lately to help someone? Did you give good advice to a friend? Were you there for a friend in need? Did you give some extra time to someone? My guess is that all of the good things you do on a daily basis outweigh the mistakes you’ve made.
3. Practice forgiveness
We all need to learn to forgive ourselves. You know in your heart that what was said was not meant to be cruel and you’ve apologized and done all you could to fix the mistake. There is not much more you can do. After an apology, it is up to the other person to either accept it or not. Ideally, the person will forgive you and you can all move on but that doesn’t always happen. If it doesn’t, ask yourself “did I do everything in my power to rectify the situation?” If the answer is yes, forgive yourself and hope that the person will eventually come around and do the same. We need to keep room in our world for forgiveness and happiness. Accept what happened and accept what you can’t change.
4. Try not to dwell on it
Boy, this is a huge one for me. I will go over and over the incident in my head. I’ve learned that in order to get past it and not let it consume me, I have to immerse myself in other activities. Do what you love, go outside for a walk, go to the gym, go shopping, watch a movie, listen to music, bake or cook, spend time with your family, go meet a friend for coffee, anything that helps to get your mind off of the problem and brings you to somewhere happy and joyful. Dwelling on it will not change it. What is done, is done so we need to move on and focus on what is important and what is good in our lives.
5. Learn from it
Use the situation as a life lesson and how not to make the same mistake again moving forward. Every day we are learning and this is just one more thing we can use as a learning experience. If we accept what has happened, just as most anything, as the days go by eventually it will consume less and less of your thoughts. The hope is that, in time, you can forgive yourself and use it as a life lesson.
6. Be grateful
How many things do you have to be grateful for? Yes, you messed up and you’ve tried your best to fix it but there is so much more to your life. Rather than continually feeling sorry for yourself, remind yourself that you have lots to be thankful for whether it be your family, your health, your job, your home, your friends or being blessed by just to wakeup to another day. Reminding yourself that you have so much to be grateful for can put everything into perspective.
Mistakes happen; it’s a part of life. Understand that your mistake will not be your first and will not be your last. You just need to learn how to deal with it, how to ask for forgiveness, learn how not to repeat the mistake in the future, how to move on and most of all, how to forgive yourself. Just continue being the best person you can be, live the best life you can live and believe that everything else will fall into place. Finally remember, this too shall pass.
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